Today was a rainy Monday, and my mood matched the weather: bleh.
Last spring, when the hubs graduated from business school, I quit my very comfortable and safe consulting job to try my hand at freelancing for a year. After an amazing summer of world travel and general care-free-ness, we settled in New York City and then…
…well, as it turns out freelancing is hard.
I miss my office and having co-workers around; I miss happy hours (obviously); I miss not waking up every day and having to hustle my butt off trying to find work so that I can contribute enough to our household income to bring our budget into the black (barely).
I have always said I’d love to work from home and work for myself. Well, I’m living my dream. And it’s damn hard some days.
Today I spent a considerable amount of time scanning my college alumni directory to see if any of my former classmates might be good people for me to network with or generate leads from. I went to a very selective, professionally-driven school, so it’s not surprising that every entry seems to be “lawyer” or “doctor” or “president of blah blah blah.”
And then there’s me. Wanna-be freelancer. Wearer of pajamas on the couch at 2 PM. Who talks to her cats all day.
What the heck have I done with myself for the last eight years? Why does everyone else seem to have it figured out but me?
In short…how am I nearly 30 years old and still don’t have any clue what I want to do with my life?
I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Actually, I think it’s a fairly common sentiment among today’s 20- and 30-somethings. An intense anxiety about finding true happiness in our careers and a reluctance to settle for anything less. We watched our parents’ generation work for the same companies for decades, surviving the drudgery, neither miserable nor happy. We don’t want that. We want to find the dream job, the elusive career that allows one to truly say that they love going to work every day. And we’re determined keep switching jobs and collecting graduate degrees until we find it.
Does that job actually exist though? Are we setting ourselves up for failure with this relentless quest for career nirvana?
I do know one thing. The grass is greener on the other side. I love that I am trying out something that I’ve always wanted to do, but I’d be lying if I didn’t spend some days wishing I could just go to an office, clock in, fill out some TPS reports, and clock out.
(And collect a paycheck, of course. Oh paychecks…how I miss you!)
I guess I will figure it out someday. Or…not? Who knows. Honestly, in many ways I don’t feel like a real adult yet, so maybe I’ve got some time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
Today’s EAT: One thing that my flexible freelance schedule allows me to do is to play Martha Stewart. Quite literally, tonight, with this MS Lighter General Tso’s Chicken:
I *really* liked how this came out. It tasted like real restaurant Chinese. No, better than restaurant Chinese, because the chicken was nice and juicy and not totally greasy.
- I used a red bell pepper and some chopped french green beans instead of snow peas.
- I used a bit more than 1 TBSP of oil to fry the chicken in. Maybe even 2. Worth it.
- I doubled (and then some) the red pepper flakes. Spicy = good!
Today’s DRINK: The hubs did not want any wine tonight (hiss boo, hubs!), and I didn’t want to open a bottle just for me. Instead I sipped on a Brooklyn Pilsner with dinner.
Today’s RUN: Day off! I hadn’t had a full day off in over a week, so I relaxed and didn’t even leave my apartment today. (It was a fine day for staying inside anyway, given the craptastic weather.)