Eat like a python

Being around this little blog world for the last couple of years, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to ponder other peoples’ eating habits.

And I’ve always felt like I was a little bit…different.

The fact is, I eat reasonably healthy most of the time, but I’m not a grazer.

Snacking on yogurt and fruit all day?  No thanks…I’d rather have wait and have a big-ass, bust-your-gut meal.  (Which is exactly what I do on the weekends.  You only need to eat twice on the weekends: brunch and dinner.)

Now, I’ve tried to cure myself of this tendency to some extent.  Because really, even if you’re eating a reasonable number of calories, busting your gut twice a day, every single day, probably isn’t healthy.  Food comas are unproductive.  And there’s plenty of research that supports small, frequent meals as ideal for keeping your metabolism running on high.

Aaaaand…chock-full bellies are bad for running.  Really bad.

I (re)learned this lesson the hard way today.  In typical python fashion, I had a tiny breakfast around 8, a little snack around 9, and then fasted until 3:30, when it occurred to me that I should probably eat lunch.

One whole frozen pizza.  Right down the hatch.  Ahhhhhh.

And then I sat, gazing at my distended navel, wondering how I was possibly going to run with this volleyball in my belly.

“Eh, it’s just pizza,” I told myself.  “Wait for half an hour and you’ll be fine.”

You can probably guess how well that went.

I didn’t actually puke, but for the entire duration of my run that pizza was staging a rebellion in my esophagus.   Planning its triumphant escape.   After five horrible miles, I put up my white flag and headed home.  You win, pizza.

And the worst part was that I couldn’t even feel sorry for myself because this condition was entirely brought on by me. Hrmph.

So my new project is to work on timing my food intake a little better.  No more massive 3 PM lunches.  No more pants-busting dinners.  No more modeling my eating habits after reptiles with highly elastic gullets.

At least…not during the week.

34 responses to “Eat like a python

  1. ROFL! Your illustrations never disappoint! My mom has actually said – verbatim – that I sometimes have the eating habits of a boa constrictor: not a lot of snacks, just one huge meal that necessitate a long recovery/digestion period laying down in a quiet place. Whatever works, huh?

    • I *love* eating a huge meal and then digesting in a calm, quiet place. When I was little, I actually had lizards as pets and would watch them do this. Eat a cricket twice the size of their head and then flop down on their electric rock for hours. Seemed like a pretty good deal to me.

      Glad I’m not the only one! :)

  2. That worm looks so friendly!

    Eating a whole pizza definitely appeals to me, but since I started really eating healthily about a year ago, my body no longer likes it. Also, I can’t eat more than a handful of almonds within 2 hours of even a short run or I will get SERIOUS heart burn. I think that’s why I like running in the middle of the afternoon instead of the morning, especially for longer distances.

  3. ahahahahaha, I wish I could put into words how hard I’m laughing right now. That snake is the greatest thing ever.

    I am like a freakin’ cow, I graze allll day lonng..and still eat regular meals. I clearly need to research what I should be eating more of because I never feel full (during the week).. The weekends I’m like a tick. Fat & Happy.

  4. With you on this: definitely a fast till I go big or go home type. Brunch and dinner are the BEST weekend meals after all.

    After six weeks in relatively low mileage half training I ate Chipotle late night before a 8 mile run. Might not be a HUGE mileage but I totally forgot how much my stomach hates spicy food + beer (+ all the fiber considering my selection..). Apparently any running over an hour and the stomach is a drama queen. I literally hit 1 hour, 5 minutes and I had to stop (or have embarrassing GI problemos).

  5. Haha, your little snake is the cutest ever. Your posts give me such a comic relief (and I learn stuff too.) :-)

  6. that is me on the weekends: brunch and dinner. especially on sundays. it’s like a higher power is telling me to do nothing. during the week i snack like whoa. i don’t think i know what the concept of a meal is during the week.

    i think you should put together a comic book with your pictures. because it took me about 15 minutes to stop laughing at each one. my roomie must think i’m crazy.

  7. Haha, this is great. I unfortunately have very similar habits – I wait and wait for an awesomely large meal that will leave me feeling sick. This meal usually occurs late at night. Bad, bad, BAD! I find the post-binge yoga class a bit easier than the run, but it’s all pretty painful and silly. As much as I know I should change my habits, I love stuffing my face way too much. So sad but entirely true :)

  8. Your whole pizza = my whole bag of KETTLE CHIPS…..argh! Haven’t learned my lesson yet!

  9. HAHA I love the little python. She’s so cute.

    I’m not a grazer but MOnday-Friday I eat B-L-D and 2 snacks. On the weekends I’m much more like you. I eat a pre-workout snack and then a big lunch and HUGE dinner. Often half a pizza.

    Let me ask this: the pre run pizza–what toppings?

  10. My parents are like this (well, mostly my mom). They will literally starve themselves all day and then eat the most massive dinners you’ve ever seen two skinny vegetarians hoover. I used to eat that way, but when I got a desk job, the whole don’t-eat-then-eat-a-lot thing left me very cranky and hungry during daytime hours. Which is not to say that I couldn’t eat a whole frozen pizza, because anyone who says they just have two slices of frozen pizza for dinner is full of boolshit.

  11. Ugh – all of the barf and none of the drunk, not fair.

  12. The illustrations today are gold! Gold! 😀

  13. Hahaha I ate an entire frozen pizza last night too. Luckily I got to go to bed fat and happy, as opposed to trying to run after.

  14. That worm’s eyes are looking through my soul.

    And I dig it.

  15. It’s really difficult NOT to eat the whole frozen pizza. It’s suprisingly unfilling, until you finish it and realize you want to die.

  16. My husband definitely eats like a python, while I like to eat about 6 times a day if I can :-) I don’t have small, delicate meals though – I just have giant meals and then snacks. Probably not the way it’s supposed ot be done either – right?

    Love the purple polka-dot python!

  17. Truly lol, this was a great post.

    The only reason I graze during the week is becasue I get bored at my desk :( Weekends look very similar to yours. Brunch and Linner.

  18. Lolz at Marie’s comment. Feeling barfy on a run is only fun (sort of?) if you’ve consumed excess amounts of alcohol.

  19. I am a big meal eater, too. Dinner is my favorite. Lately though I have been thinking the same…the debilitating food coma/gut bomb that I give myself almost each night should probably stop. The delicious heavy beer I had last night also adds to the gut bomb effect.

  20. Haha, I feel your pain but that’s still kind of hilarious. :) I do the same thing on weekends (brunch 4 life) but I definitely graze during the week. Boring office job = boredom eating.

  21. Hilarious! I love the pink/purple snake!
    I’ve “learned” this lesson more times than I care to think about, evenso, as I read this post I’m thinking “mmm…pizza…”. I’m dumb.

    Brunch is the way to go on the weekends…I love the brunch/dinner kind of weekends!

  22. “You only need to eat twice on the weekends: brunch and dinner.”

    Truth.

    Except happy hour. That counts as a meal, right?

  23. LOL! You totally crack me up!

    I hate that certain foods, not matter when or how much I eat (of) them, can still bother my stomach while running. Pickles. I cannot have a pickle the same day as a run! Or a boca burger before a run. Drat.

  24. Hahahahaha, love the drawings! I have the opposite problem, I am ALWAYS hungry and eat approximately 8 meals per day, but can’t really eat a ton at one time. Well, I can eat a lot at one time, but I still eat 8 times that day. Its not pretty.

  25. I agree with what some others are saying…this post is awesome and why hasn’t someone offered to publish your illustrations in a book. You are very talented. Not only do I enjoy reading your blog but my husband is a regular reader as well since he is a runner too.

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  30. I love this and I can totally relate. I ate like python when I got home today and then went running afterwards. Spicy chicken sausage + running = no good.