2,011 in 2011: the failure

The best thing about setting meaningless and arbitrary goals is that when you don’t meet them…nothing bad happens. Hooray!

I suppose there’s the possibility that I’ll drink enough champagne with dinner that I go streaking through the streets in the hours before the clock strikes, thereby logging another 6.7 miles. But given that we’re staying in and laying low tonight, I’d say it seems unlikely.

But hey – I cracked 2K for the year! Not bad, eh? I don’t really know how many miles I ran in 2010, but I’m quite certain that I ran more in 2011. So I’ve got that going for me.

Here’s a quick look at the other meaningless and arbitrary goals – as outlined in this post from last December – that I (mostly) failed to accomplish this year:

1) Learn to bake bread: PARTIAL SUCCESS

I owe any progress on this one entirely to Artisan Bread In Five Minutes A Day. And I still whip up a batch every so often. But I never really progressed beyond the basic Round Peasant Loaf. Oh well. The Round Peasant Loaf is still pretty delicious.

2) Learn to drink Scotch: FAILURE

Did I ever show you the photo of the time that I tried?

That’s the same face I was making during my flight out to Seattle last week, when the guy next to me kept ripping these terrible farts – and then, to my horror, apologizing. Every time! Awkward! Because what are you supposed to say to that? Just pretend it wasn’t your fart and look around with a disgusted look on your face like the rest of us, dude.

Anyway, Scotch. Yeah, still not my bag. But I’m sure I’ll keep trying.

3) Learn to spell: SUCCESS?

This was a stupid goal to begin with because obviously I already know how to spell. I’m just lazy. Like, I noticed that I misspelled JUBELALE in my last post but am I going to go back and fix it? Probably not. (Also, I’m not sure it counts as a misspelling if it’s not a real word.)

So really the goal should have been LEARN NOT TO BE LAZY. But then I wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Overall, though, I’m giving this one a green light if for no other reason that I believe Words With Friends has improved my grasp of the English language. Or just allowed me to learn a bunch of random words that I didn’t realize were actually words. Whatever! I know how to spell them!

4) Learn to fix a (bike) flat: FAILURE

Utter failure. Except to pull it away from the wall it to remove the cobwebs collecting around it, I haven’t touched my bike all year. Pretty sure both of the tires are flat now, too. Doh.

5) Learn to jump turn: MOSTLY A FAILURE

I did end up getting out west to ski last spring. Each year, I think I probably do a little better with my form. But I’m still mostly a disaster when it comes to even the smallest moguls. It’s hard to have skiing goals when you live in the southeast. #southernerproblems

6) Learn to carve a bird: FAILURE

For Thanksgiving this year, I literally just tore the meat off of the turkey and plopped it on a serving platter, as it was just the two of us so who cares about having pretty slices? And personal hygiene?

Still…I’d love to take one of those knife skills classes or whatever. Maybe next year.

7) Learn to taste wine: SUCCESS

I drank a lot of wine this year. And I went to a Wine Bloggers Conference. Learning FTW! Still definitely not an expert, but I’m starting to feel like I can talk reasonably intelligently on the subject.

8) Learn about beer: SUCCESS

Again…definitely still a novice, but I have learned so much this year. I’m counting it as a success.

9) Learn to apply mascara: SUCCESS

This one was easy. As soon as I started buying the good shit from Sephora instead of the crappy shit from Target, I stopped looking like I had fleas all over my face. I can handle spending 20 bucks on mascara a couple of times a year.

It’s true: money really can buy happiness.

10) Learn how to poach an egg: FAILURE

I don’t think I’ve even attempted this since I wrote that goal.

11) Learn to do a headstand: TOTAL FAILURE

I don’t think I’ve even attended a yoga class since I wrote that goal.

So, to summarize: My successes this year stemmed from drinking, shopping, and dicking around on my iPhone. Sounds about right.

In all seriousness, though, 2011 was a pretty good year. I trained pretty hard in the spring and ran a pretty decent half marathon. Then I trained pretty hard in the fall and ran a legit marathon PR (and a BQ to boot).  The latter ranks pretty highly among my favorite running experiences ever. So far, anyway.

So, really: who cares if I fell 6+ miles short of my yearly mileage goal? Or that I avoided my yoga mat and my bike like they were covered in cooties? Or that I can’t drink whiskey without making a ridiculous fart face? I’m taking some pretty good memories from 2011 when we say goodbye in a few hours.

As for 2012, there are some Big Running Plans and Mega Life Changes on tap in the months ahead. But I’ll save all of that for another post.

So…cheers to the new year! Be safe, have fun, don’t drink so much flavored vodka that you end up falling asleep with your head in a paper bag filled with your own vomit. (Not that I’ve ever done that…. #college)

13 responses to “2,011 in 2011: the failure

  1. I like that you have food goals. I like that idea a lot. And I DEFINITELY need to learn how to change a flat tire on my bike!

  2. I bet there’s some math rule out there that will allow you to round 2004 up to 2011. Hope 2012 is free of stinky flights. That sounds like a crappy experience, but at least you got a hilarious story out of it.

    Happy new year!

  3. Good heavens, if you go “streaking” between now and 2012 you’d DAMNED sure better post it.

    Love that I found your blog in 2011. Vow to follow it (no matter what absurd and/or marginally-achievable goals you OR I set for the year) in 2012.

    Happy New Year, woman. Wishing you all the best.

  4. You should’ve done that 10 miler at Chambers Bay……we only needed a spark to get us all out the door!
    However, there’s always 2012 miles in 2012!
    ??
    Love,
    Mom

  5. I love this summary & all your honesty about how each goal went. Congrats on 2,000+ miles! Happy 2012. :)

  6. Re: Mascara. I too spend $20 a month but its on four brands of the cheap shit from target. Yes, I use all four types at once. One lengthens, one adds volume, one darkens, and one brings out my eye color. The real trick is add so much your afraid you look like a whore – but trust that you don’t. Seriously. Also, use a wet qtip to get rid of the black spots and then cover with powder.

    Not sure if you were looking for my advice, but, there ya go ha.

  7. How did you respond to the guy farting on the plane?

    Congrats on the 2000+ miles!

    • The first time I said something lame like “Oh no worries.” But when he kept doing it, I kind of just ignored him…kept my eyes on my book. SO AWKWARD.

  8. Mascara is kind of one of my favorite topics. So you’re saying this fancy Dior stuff does not flake throughout the day? After buying countless tubes from varying brands (at Target, duh), I learned in early summer last year (so weird to say that!) that I really love Rimmel’s Glam Eyes Lash Flirt. So much so that I actually bought the same stuff twice back-to-back, something I NEVER do with makeup because, how boring. But somehow it seems to be the blackest of blacks, actually makes me look like I have eyelashes sometimes and doesn’t flake off too horribly. And it’s less than $6 so that’s cool.

    BUT, I am forever wiping crap out of the corners of my eyes and I’m not sure if it’s mascara or eyeshadow that causes these little balls of goo. They are annoying.

    Also curious what your response was to the plane farter. That’s so, so awkward.

  9. Happy New Year!
    Yeah there are several words that I’ve never really learned how to spell either.
    I wear that mascara too. It keeps me from looking like a raccoon.

    Oops, just spelled raccoon wrong twice and had to correct :).

    Anyways, thanks for having a fantastic blog. Somehow you manage to blog often AND write great posts!

  10. I feel like you really let down your readers by not running 2011 miles. Some of us might have made life-changing decisions on the basis of your personal goals. You should probably go somewhere and cry about it.

    Also? I once had a coworker one cube over from me who used to do that farting and then apologizing thing. They were loud AND they stank. So awkward.

    Happy new year! XO

  11. I also wanted to learn to hold a headstand last year and I actually did it…for like… almost 10 seconds. Which to me is kind of a big deal! But you can bet your sweet ass the whole time I shouted (in my best Vince Vaughn voice) “STILL HOLDING!” and then I fell and almost hit my yoga instructor, but c’mon. 10 seconds.