Forgive me for being cranky this week. Thunderstorms have been taking a daily crap on my outdoor workout plans…and also, apparently, pouring water into the walls of our house.
Oh hey kitty…I put that there to keep the floor dry, not to collect cat hair, but whatever floats your boat. Or should I say your freighter, Sir Fatty Pants.
So I’m dealing with the roofers again and throwing around terms like “reworked scuppers” and “proper flashing” and “commercial grade sealant that could hold back the Hoover dam” and “tell me where to send this painfully large check.”
Also, I was attempting to do some yard work yesterday (or rather: chop down enormous weeds with Home Depot Garden Center’s version of a machete, because the landscaping fund has now been swallowed by the roofers) and acquired no fewer than 50 mosquito bites. And I’m one of those lucky people who is super allergic, I guess. So basically, I’m an itchy and irritable mess.
Whine, bitch, moan…I know. Life could be worse. But that doesn’t mean it’s not taking every ounce of willpower I have not to rake my fingernails across my welt-pocked calves right now. Oh god, how good would that feel? No, no, nooooo….
Um, where were we?
Oh right, I was going to complain about a couple of (rather meaningless) things that I don’t get.
1) Color Runs.
So as I understand it, you pay a bunch of money to walk/jog an untimed 5K, get pelted with dyed cornstarch, and finish looking like a clown has sharted on you.
Am I the only one who is thinking: WTF?
The marketing of these events seems to be a feel-good, happy-dippy take on the hard-core, obstacle/mud run trend (“look how filthy we are! our clothes are ruined!”) but without, you know, the actual obstacles or running.
“The happiest 5K on the planet!” claims The Color Run. “When Zoloft and balloon animals can’t seem to raise your spirits, the best way to brighten your life is to run the Color Me Rad 5K!” counters its competitor.
I get that these things are perhaps aimed at non-runners. People who need a gimmick or a “wheeeeeee, togetherness!” experience in order to motivate themselves to complete 3.1. And I’m all for encouraging people to exercise. But I still just don’t understand how making a total pointless mess out of yourself, your clothing, and a public space accomplishes that.
And these things sell out. Color me baffled.
But if you’ve been shut out of your local color run, feel free to send your $40 to me. You can come to my house and walk around my yard and I’ll squirt food coloring-tinted vodka at you with my Super Soaker.
Actually, never mind the registration fee…I’ll do it for free.
2) Brooks Ambassadors.
If you’ve read this blog for a while, you probably know that Brooks have been my shoe brand of choice for a while. I’ve run in and (and blogged about) their traditional trainers (Ghost, Ravenna, Adrenaline), trail shoes (AdrenalineGTX), racing flats (ST4 and ST5), and of course the PureProject, as the PureFlow (pictured above) is currently my preferred everyday running shoe.
While I’ll continue to sing praises about the people that make the shoes, I’m giving the side eye to Brooks’ marketing department on this whole Run Happy Ambassador thing that seems to be popping up all over blogs lately.
Bloggers getting in bed with brands is annoying to begin with, but it’s a thousand times worse when it’s obvious that the blogger (1) doesn’t know shit about what they’re trying to review and (2) is parroting (and misinterpreting) marketing materials that the company is feeding them.
Take just one example. Really, Brooks? This the sort of post you want as the face of your brand?
Never mind the misguided discussion of running mechanics (uh, “toe-striking?”). Unless Brooks has drastically changed their PureProject strategy in the last few months, it’s not a “minimalist” or “barefoot” shoe line. (In fact, when the line was launched, the literature Brooks provided to running store employees on the PureProject pointedly discouraged the use of those words when selling them.) But OMG! They come in bright neon colors, y’all!
Page views > relevant information and accuracy.
And yes, I know it sounds like I’m a FATTY JEALOUS HATER and I’ll freely admit that I am. In the past, I’ve approached Brooks’ PR people about doing a shoe giveaway for you guys (not even asking for a free pair for myself! just to give away!) and was turned down. It kind of stung; I know my blog is small, but I’ve given Brooks quite a bit of (free!) space on this blog over the last couple of years, simply because I genuinely love their product and I like writing about running shoes.
I’m sure there are Run Happy Ambassadors out there who know what they’re taking about and can competently represent the brand, but from what I’ve seen so far, it’s kind of a joke.
Anyway. As expected, this post turned into a rambly rant. Who needs some calamine lotion and a cocktail? THIS GIRL.
Much more effective than dyed cornstarch.