Gross and creepy

I came downstairs this morning – braless and barefoot and beelining toward the coffee cabinet – and promptly stepped in a watery puddle of cat puke, conveniently deposited right at the base of the stairs.


Then, coffee and smoothie in hand, I sat down at the breakfast bar to finish the post I started yesterday about Saturday’s 5K. I looked up and saw this a few inches from my nose.


When I try to explain why spiders are so much worse than other bugs: THIS IS WHY. Other bugs hide in corners and skitter away when approached. Other bugs buzz obnoxiously and crash repeatedly into the window and land on your cheeseburger. Other bugs bite you and make you itch. But at least they don’t stalk you from the ceiling above your favorite chair and then silently lower themselves on to your face like this crafty asshole.

Where was I? So much for finishing that other post about the 5K. I’ll summarize instead: mediocre.  Right off the bat, there was an enormous hill. We are talking 100+ feet of elevation gain in a quarter mile. It’s the sort of hill that I’ll run extra miles to avoid during a training run. I thought they were joking when I saw the course map.

My first mile was 7:17. I don’t remember the last time I had a mile split that slow in a 5K.

The rest of the course was rolling and downhill, which you would think would make it fast, but apparently I suck at running the downgrades too. Going in to mile two, I was the fourth female and gaining on third, but every time we’d go down a hill she’d open the gap back up. Somewhere around the second mile marker, we were both passed by another girl, who was moving pretty quick. Fifth place.

Then, on the final (downhill) stretch, this other girl came up and blew by me. Oh hell no, I thought, and chased after her. She beat me by a second. Sixth place in 21:33.

I was mad, but comforted myself by deciding that she looked pretty young and maybe was a couple of years out of college running or something like that. Then I checked the results: she was 38. FML.

Given the hilly course, my time is okay, but I’m disappointed in how I raced this one. Third place would’ve been better than sixth.

Anyway. I didn’t have a ton of time to dwell on it because I had a (make-up for a rained out) boot camp session to attend. (Not ideal, but I’d already paid for the session so off I went.)

It’s been a while since I tracked weekly workouts on here, but now that I’ve got a goal race, I’m bringing ’em back:

Later this afternoon, I’m headed up to Boston to meet up with Meg (of Candy Cat Story fame). She’s moving to Chicago and I’m joining her for a little moving road trip! We have camping gear and no real plan; I have a flight out of Midway on Friday night. I can’t wait.

We’ll try to stay out of any feline-themed strip clubs we might encounter along the way. Because that, too, would be gross and creepy. But I can’t make any promises.

I’ll check in from the road when I can. Have a great week!

P.S. Happy Birthday to another college girlfriend, who happens to write a beautiful and hilarious blog herself. Miss you! (And I hope you get home okay!)

10 responses to “Gross and creepy

  1. “Crafty asshole”….I laughed out loud at that. I agree about spiders. In fact, just yesterday I grabbed a tissue to blow my nose, blew my nose into it, then pulled the tissue back to find a huge spider on the side where my hands were touching. I screamed and threw the tissue on the floor, then the spider crawls away and I smashed him (of course). It was scary! That was one crafty asshole, making his way into my tissue box! Now of course every time I grab a tissue I inspect in thoroughly before blowing my nose. :)

  2. Dinner when you are in town? Hit me up.

    • I’m not sure when we are getting in to town, but I will keep you posted! It would be great to catch up!

  3. I effing hate spiders. HATE THEM. So elusive. So terrifying. Have a fun trip!

  4. This happened to me on Friday. I was leaving for work and fortunately it was light out, because if not, I would have walked into a roughly 4′ diameter web created overnight between my house and deck railing. The beast was sitting in its creation at about forehead height. Waiting. At least it was outside I guess? I googled it (not recommended) and it was a barn spider. What a cute name.

  5. When are you planning on arriving in Chicago? I’d love to meet up one night if you have time!! :)

  6. Hey there! Thanks for the bday shout out! We will (hopefully) get home without further issue tomorrow.

    Can’t wait to see you in December!

  7. or better yet – October? Did you get the invite?

  8. Spiders > roaches. HATE ROACHES. So gross, and of course they love my house.

    I also lol’d for real at “crafty asshole.” Well played, ma’am.