What I have been doing for the last month

Yeah, I know. It’s been a while.

Here are some of the things I wish I could say I’ve been doing for the last month:

Gallivanting around a foreign country, eating and drinking fabulous local things and speaking the language flawlessly because a month is totally enough time to learn to do that! 

Unfortunately not. Except for a two-day trip to DC earlier this month, I’ve stayed firmly planted here in Atlanta. (Which actually isn’t a horrible thing, because weather-wise, October is clearly the best month of the year here.)

Or…

…bravely battling an invasion of zombies, and singlehandedly saving humanity from an all-out Zombie War. You’re welcome!

Can’t say this has happened yet…but considering that I am convinced there are bodies buried in my backyard and Halloween is rapidly approaching, it’s a real possibility.

And I wasn’t, like, serving my community either. Although I probably should have been. Certainly I could have been:

Helping people and shit.

Putting on to-do list: find volunteer opportunities.

Anyway, what have I been doing? Mostly, something that looks like this:

 …or if you want the whole picture…

Wallowing, moping, being a piece of crap. I don’t know what’s been with me lately but I’ve just been…I don’t even know. But one day I woke up and the very idea of the internet just seemed horrible.

Emails. OMG LEAVE ME ALONE.

Facebook. WHY IS EVERYONE POLLUTING THE WEB WITH THIS CRAP. MY NEWS FEED IS A BANAL STEW.

Blog. OH GOD I CAN’T EVEN.

So I didn’t. And I did some other stuff instead. I finished building this shelving unit that had been sitting, in the form of a pile of pine boards, in the garage for weeks. I read some books. I cooked. I ran a little, and lifted a little, and thought about how nice it was to do those things privately, without putting pressure on myself to share them with all of the internets.

It’s been three years since I started this blog. At that time, I’d just moved to New York City with my husband so that he could pursue a postgraduate fellowship there. I’d quit my consulting job; it was a job that I liked, but required a ton of travel and I wanted to actually experience NYC while we were there. I freelanced a little; I worked part-time for a start-up; I worked at a running store; I joined a competitive running club and ran hard for the first time in a few years. After a too-short twelve months, my husband’s fellowship ended and we moved on, to North Carolina. And then, a year later, Georgia.

In Georgia, we bought a house. The house had been vacant for a year, was littered with shoddy upgrades by the previous owner, and was generally kind of a shit-show. I spent the summer playing general contractor and interior decorator, which kept me surprisingly busy and was actually pretty fun.

But most of the house work is done now. (Well…we hope.)

I am officially bored. And I think that’s why I’ve been in such a funk lately.

Well, get a damn job already, I tell myself. Get on that whole grad school thing, I scold. Just do…something.

It’s a conversation I have with myself every day. And sometimes I get motivated. But then, inevitably, I get, like…stuck. And I make no progress.

So, I need to work on that.

I hope you all can hold me accountable?

Because I also need to work on this tendency of mine to just avoid. And a prime example of that is my avoiding all of you when I started feeling all shitty.

TL;DR: I didn’t stop posting because I was doing something exotic, heroic, or humanitarian.  I just felt like crap and said FUCK THE INTERNETS for a while. Which is fine, but let’s be honest: by and large, my friends live in my computer. This is a place I need and want to be. So I’m back.

39 responses to “What I have been doing for the last month

  1. I’m so sorry about your general blah feelings about life right now. I completely understand where you’re coming from, and have been to that spot on the couch many times before. No solutions to offer, but I wanted to let you know I understand the feeling!

  2. Happy To Have You Back

    Yay! Glad you are back. Sorry about the funk.

  3. Love this. I also have not posted in a month. I was just sitting down to write and procrastinated for a moment by checking Google reader.

    Totally understand the funk. When you’re in it, there isn’t much to write about.

    Good luck!

  4. I’ve been a long time reader, but first time commenter. Glad you’re back! You are one of favorite bloggers to read. I totally get the whole being in a funk thing. I’m currently there in my life too. No fun! Wouldn’t it be fun though to jet off the Paris and have a funk there?! Wine for everyone! :-)

    • Aw, thanks! Sorry you’re in a funk too. Good luck getting out of it, sometimes I guess it just takes time?

  5. Oh shelby you are just so freaking relatable :). Glad you’re back.

    I’m really hoping one day you write famous books or something. Have you thought about trying to coach XC or track at a high school?

    • I think if I were to coach, it would have to be adults! Kids, especially snotty high school kids…meh. But I’m not fast/accomplished enough to coach at the college level.

  6. Relatable is right! Glad you are back; I see you haven’t lost your touch with MS Paint. :)

  7. Welcome back! You were missed!!

  8. Glad you are back!!! I love your posts. Don’t disappear again!

  9. I totally understand the need to avoid the internets sometimes. I too, have been in a funk lately. It’s the worst. Hope everything is better or getting better! Glad you’re back! You crack me up too often to leave me. (please don’t leave me). What would I do without your ms paint pictures?

  10. I feel the same way when I’m in a funk. The LAST thing I want to do it talk about anything in my life; but the LAST LAST thing I want to do is look at Facebook or read other people’s blogs and see people who are happy, the bastards.

  11. MAYBE YOU’RE PREGNANT SHOW US YOUR UTERUS

  12. I definitely think it’s important to get a break from the internet every once in a while. My time spent online has definitely decreased and I don’t see myself getting back up to speed any time soon. Whatev. We do what we want.

    Welcome back. :)

  13. When I’m busy/stressed/depressed, the blog is usually the first thing to go, so I understand. That said, I’m glad you’re back! And as for holding you accountable, I have many shame tactics that I use on myself daily (yay for being raised Catholic!), and I am more than willing to share them. Just say the word. :)

  14. I think this time of year makes everyone a little stir crazy. maybe it’s because our brains are programmed from the whole “back to school” mentality in the fall that we’re supposed to be advancing or growing or something every time the leaves start changing. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself 😉

    • I like that explanation. Especially resonates with me because I feel like I *should* be going back to school…I just have been to lazy and unmotivated to make it happen.

      But yeah…fall definitely = “buckle down” time.

  15. As a reward for surviving the spring and summer, the next few months here are wonderful. Enjoy it. Good for you for taking a step back and living in the real world.

    I was all into blogging, until one day, I just wasn’t anymore. Maybe becuase I’m totally over the whole Healthy Living/fitness blogging genre. I realized just how insipid most of them are, and really, my writing isn’t much different. It’s nice having that time back and being present in my own life again :)

    Difference is you’re a talented writer. Substance and humor, it’s good stuff. We’ll be here whenever you feel like throwing up a post!

    • I totally agree about being over the “healthy living blog” thing. I always enjoy reading about your running though! Glad you’re updating again, even if less frequently!

    • I agree with all of this. I feel the same about my own blog lately. Even I get bored writing about my own babies sometimes.

      Glad to see you back Shelby. I was just thinking of you last week and how I hadn’t seen you on the intertubes lately.

  16. I’m glad you’re back because I just started reading your blog and I love it!

    Also I have achilles tendinitis right now and I want to live vicariously through you.

  17. um….but no pressure :)

  18. Look, you’re clearly in a funk because you haven’t killed any zombies. I will cross my fingers that those dead bodies in your backyard reanimate for ya. Glad you’re back. :)

  19. Dude, it happens. (But I’ve been checking every day hoping you wrote something.) I quit Facebook when I got laid off last year because I couldn’t handle everyone’s stupid freaking (probably fake) happiness. The internet is terrible. I just got a new job (HOORAY) but really don’t want to go back to FB. And I don’t even have a blog. (Again, because the internet is terrible.)

    I just mean that I, a total stranger, totally get what you’re going through. It’s a funk. It’s ok to live in it for a while.

  20. Oh yeah, I hear ya! Blog…been there and shut it down years ago. FB…still have account, but don’t use it. I wish you still lived in Raleigh so we could go for a de-funking run together. :)

  21. So sorry you are feeling bad. I wish I had advice for you. Just know that you are not alone. I hope that you find your way back to feeling better soon.

  22. I hear ya. I’ve been in a post PR blogging spurt for the last weekish, but before that it was like pulling teeth. I agree 100% with Runblondie’s feelings on the healthy living/fitness blogging genre in general (though there are definitely some I enjoy, like both yours and hers), but at the same time I’ve realized I need someplace to put the running related thoughts bouncing around in my head because my nonrunning husband gets tired of hearing that stuff 😀 (Though when I texted him with my time after my last half, he had the sense to remember that was better than my goal time and not ask “Is that good?” so that’s improvement). So I’m glad you’re back to the internets!

  23. Oh hai! I’d been wondering what you were up to. I’ve been a serial blog-starter/blog-quitter for years, and I think it’s because it’s SO EASY to get sick of the internet. I also think that you and I and apparently all of your commenters share a personality, because the “stuck” thing is one I can majorly relate to. I’m glad you’re back, and I hope the funk passes soon, and if you need another house to redo in the meantime, get the eff to San Francisco because boy do I have some work for you.

  24. .. missed you! Feeling in a funk myself – I’ve had a few too many ponytail days lately to avoid the hair maintenance routine – bad me!

  25. Oh man do I ever relate to this. I just go into a non-communicating depression ball and just stop interacting with others because I feel like they are all JUDGING ME for my LIFE FAILS. And if I don’t tell anyone about the fact that I’m failing at life, then it isn’t really happening. Not that I actually think you are failing at life…but you do write as if you think you are.

    Can I share some unsolicited life advice because I see a lot of my own avoidance and indecision in what you wrote? Just start throwing spaghetti at the wall until something sticks (figuratively, though perhaps literally might be a fun way to spend an afternoon). For me at least, the fear of spending time doing the wrong thing is what ultimately was holding me back from making a decision on my next step. And the fear of giving up the possibility that laid before me–like if I chose a path, I’d never get another chance to do cool life things. And what I failed to see is that by spending time hedging my bets and oscillating on what to do, I wasn’t actually progressing. I was just allowing my indecision to fester and building up the importance of whatever the NEXT STEP was to an idea in my mind that it could never meet.

    So my, again, completely unsolicited advice is to just start something ASAP. Whether it is a part time data crunching gig, substitute teaching (though I see you say you hate high schoolers), or some volunteering at a non-profit, doing something is going to a) make you feel like your are making progress and hopefully make you feel less in a funk and b) actually help you make progress by narrowing down your next step.

    You probably knew all of this already, but I thought I’d give it a shot! Also, hello. Longtime reader, relatively recent new contributor to the overly saturated HLB/running blog community. Thought I’d “introduce” myself!

  26. Welcome back! Hopefully your funk has lifted for good. You were missed.

  27. Your blog is quite funny. Take it from an MBA CPA — I have a ton of loans from grad school and I go to work 5.days.a.week — sometimes more. It’s way overrated. You’re not really missing out.

  28. nanowrimo is November.. you could just work on a first draft of a novel about the people buried in your back yard :-) I hope you are feeling a bit better. It is nice to see you posting again.

  29. Late to the (pity) party here but of course had to register an opinion. I think you can underestimate the impact that moving cities can have on you. We get attached to lives, cities, habits, people and as a generally upbeat, definitely intelligent person, you can discount how the detaching will affect you. That you’re conscious of it is enough for it to not be a worry. Do stuff when you want, laze around if you want. Run the half as best you can and see if it perks you up. Even the most motivated people have down cycles and usually, they’re the precursor to great up cycles. You will be just fine.

    (How could you not with all of us uninformed virtual strangers telling you how to live your life?)