Awake

Well, it’s been a month. And it’s been a month, if you get me.

In a couple of days, Annika turns four months old and I daresay month three-to-four has been even rougher than the notoriously rough newborn days. Okay, maybe I’m just blocking out those first weeks, but seriously. My darling little baby who poops rainbows and farts daisies is perfect in every way except for the fact that she will not, as Samuel L. Jackson rasps, go the fuck to sleep.

annika4months

But otherwise perfect!

I think it’s a combination of (1) her being a crappy sleeper to begin with; (2) having to cold turkey the swaddle after she started rolling over on to her belly a couple of weeks ago; and (3) the dreaded four-month sleep regression. Perfect storm of shitty-sleep conditions, right there. All we need to do is throw in some teeth! (Oh hell, I hope not. Not any time soon. She can stay gummy until she goes to college.)

Running has taken a back seat while we ride this out. It’s funny – I think I was running more at 6 weeks postpartum than I am at 4 months. After fighting the good fight all day on nap patrol, I don’t have the energy to go run before checking in for the night shift. Like everything else infant-related, I know that this too shall pass, but at the moment I am just exhausted.

I did nearly DNS a 5K last Saturday morning, after being up all night with she-who-must-not-be-named. But then, after I’d texted my running buddy to tell her I was bailing, the preshus awoke again so I made the wise decision to pass her off to my husband and go run since I was going to be up either way. I finished in 26 minutes, which used to be my easy run pace, but that’s neither here nor there because if it hadn’t been for that race, I certainly wouldn’t have run that day. Or really, that entire week.

Fortunately, sleep issues aside, Annika is happy and healthy and it’s amazing to watch her change and grow each day.

And now it’s 9PM. The baby monitor has been all green lights for at least 15 minutes. You know what that means? Time for me to go the fuck to sleep.

19 responses to “Awake

  1. Dude. My little was a terrrrrrrible sleeper. If we hadn’t side-carred (is that a word?) the crib I dare say I would not have slept for 18 months. It’s not perfect, but at least you’re not jumping out of bed to nurse every hour! Good luck!

    • I do bring her in to our bed sometimes and it’s a nice break. I kind of wish we would have started out with one of those sidecar co-sleeper thingies from the beginning. At least they are flat (right?)…Annika is kind of a swing junkie and getting her to sleep on a flat open surface is yet another battle we’re trying to fight right now (although I’ve put that one on hold until we get through our current issues).

  2. completely feel your pain. what the #@O*U!@? i cannot tell you how much hatred i have right now for people with young babies that sleep “7 to 7”. c basically doesn’t nap (maayyyybe one decent one in the morning) and eats 2-3x every night.

    it will get better. (also i am planning to sleep train at 6-7 months as i did with annabel – that worked SO well with her and made all of our lives better!! hoping it will work with round #2)

    • We will definitely sleep train if this doesn’t improve markedly by 6 months.

      I hate the 7 to 7 people and also well meaning strangers who ask whether she’s sleeping through the night. Yo, have you seen my face? These bags under my eyes? Does it look like we are sleeping through the night?

  3. Your baby is adorable. Oh man, I’ve got a 3 month old and my greatest fear is having to get rid of the swaddle. I know it’s coming soon…

    • Not that you asked, but my advice would be to start working on it soon! Annika threw us for a loop when she started flipping over…it came out of nowhere. Maybe ditching the swaddle would have been easier for us if we could have done the one-arm-out thing for a while.

  4. It sucks, I know. But actually, I think she’s being pretty smart about all this — hitting you with everything at once I mean. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. When my son hit his 4 month sleep regression we decided to use it as an opportunity to ditch the swaddle. He was already sleeping poorly so why not take advantage, right? That way we only lost a week (…or four) instead of dragging it out even longer. Imagine if all these things had hit at different times — you would NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. Just kidding.

    • Yeah, our pediatrician said she usually recommends getting rid of the swaddle around 4 months so it was coming anyway. It took you guys four weeks to get through it? Oyyyy. I guess I should just hook up an IV line direct to my coffee maker.

  5. I have no fellow-mom commiserating to offer (unless you want to start chatting about cats shitting on the floor). But I just wanted to chime in to comment on how cute she is :)

    • OMG, I might rather deal with a cranky baby. I’m sorry. :( Is your kitty sick, or just being an asshole?

  6. She is so cute! In the end ditching the swaddle will be a good thing. One less thing to change later! My son was in a swaddle until almost 6 months. I don’t recommend this because shocking! they don’t make swaddles for large babies. I feel ya, though. My two slept great from 2-3 months just in time for me to go back to work. Then it all went to hell.

    We sleep trained using the Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child book. (actually the twin version, but you don’t need that yet. HA!) Our ped was very encouraging on sleep training and CIO methods.

    The sleep deprivation/lack of regular sleep really affected my running. It’s so hard when you are in it, but it will get better. The running will always be there. Just do what you can for your sanity.

    • I’m looking at ordering that book and/or the Ferber one. I think they are similar in their approach. We have her 4-month appointment on Monday so I’ll see what our ped says, if she prefers one over the other. I’m not excited about sleep training but at some point down the road if she keeps being a crappy sleeper, it will need to happen!

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  9. She is so dang cute! Good luck & wishes for more sleep soon. I’m sure in the thick of things it’s really hard to see hope of normalcy returning, but eventually I know you’ll work through it and she will be a better sleeper. Again, I’m praying for soon!

  10. I have a 239 and a 221 month old and there is still no rest for the weary. Your baby is super cute though so it is well worth it!

  11. Ugh that sounds super shallow..what I mean is you will all muddle along and it will work out. Sounds like you are doing great!

  12. First, I have to tell you I love your blog (first time commenter)… I’ve read a lot of it while walking (very, very slowly) on my treadmill while wearing my 13 week old because that’s the only way I can get him to take a decent nap (yes, I am that parent). I hope your sweet girl is sleeping better by now (i.e., please give me some hope!). The only reason I’m able to get any running done these days is because I seem to have postpartum insomnia and little guy sleeps a *little* better at night vs. during the day (I hope I didn’t just jinx myself). Anyhow… it’s refreshing to know that there are other moms out there struggling to get their little ones to “go the ## to sleep”. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

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